Racism, Discrimination, Diversity & America (Part 1) - I Am A Threat

The murders of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd have brought the attention of many to racial injustice, systemic racism, and discrimination towards the black community in America. Many of you have reached out and wanted to check-in on me and hear my perspective about what is going on.

            I will share my perspective in four different blog posts, each with a specific focus. This specific post will highlight my thoughts through my experiences, by encouraging conversation amongst races, and promoting advocacy.

My Experiences

            I remember this night like it was yesterday. I just had a fun dinner date with my girlfriend, Heather (who is now my wife) and we decided to drive to the Marin Headlands and sit in my car in a parking area to take in the view of San Francisco at night. It was a clear summer night where you could see the skyline, Alcatraz, Coit Tower, the TransAmerica Building, and the Palace of Fine Arts clearly.

            We sat in my car and took in the skyline having a great conversation about life, our hometowns, and our childhood. We talked for about 30-45 minutes and I hear a knock on my window. It was a few minutes past 9pm, so I roll down my window to have a flashlight shined in my eye by a police officer.

            The officer sees me and immediately asks me to get out of my car and stand to his right. Having been taught “the rules” aka how I am supposed to act when interacting with a police officer as a black male, I knew that anything the officer asked me to do I needed to do it and I needed to do without question or comment. 

I step out of the car and walk to his right and stand where the officer tells me to stand. At this point I have no idea what is going on, why I am standing outside of my car, and what the police officer is looking for.

After I stand where I am told, the officer turns to Heather and says, “Ma’am, are you alright?” Immediately after this is said, I realize what is going on. The police officer saw me, a black man, in a car with a white woman and thought the white woman’s safety was endangered. 

Heather assured the officer that she was okay (she was angered that she was even asked this question) and the officer walks over to me and asks me for my license and registration. I only move to get my license and registration after asking the officer if it was okay for me to grab my license and registration from my glove box.

In case you missed this, even after hearing a command from the officer, I knew I had to tell the officer what I was doing in order for him to know that I am doing what was asked of me. I just gave you two more rules…no sudden movements and get approval before any movement.

I get approval and I get back into my car, open my glove box and hand the officer my license and registration. The officer runs his checks to make sure I have a clean record, which I do, and he returns to the vehicle. When he returns he says, “the parking area closes at 9pm.”

I thought it was odd that I was asked to leave my vehicle and have my licensed screened when the officer could have just told me that the area was closed and allowed me to leave the area. But I have lived long enough to know this and his actions reaffirmed this: I am a threat. When people who don’t know me see me, they see a 6’4”, 225-pound black man and for many people that means I am a threat. 

If you know me personally, you know that I am a big teddy bear and possess no threat to anyone, so reading me write that “I am a threat,” may sound weird to you. Moreover, my wife, Heather, wanted to interject some of her thoughts about me to help you better understand who I am: “you would know he a dedicated and incredibly loving husband and father of three. In the 14 years I have known him, I can count the number of times on one hand he has raised his voice. He is a peacemaker in almost every relationship and is intentional in keeping in touch with you, even if he met you only one time on an airplane. He wants to help you, not belittle you and certainly not harm you.” Thank you for that Heather! I love you. 

While I wish I could say that the story above was the only case of racism or discrimination I have experienced, it unfortunately is not. Here are some other instances where my skin color has posed as a threat or make people question my presence:

·      walking down the street or in a store and having people clutch their purses or belongings tightly when they see me (apparently, I am intimidating and this happens more than you’d think)

·      I met a friend at his friend’s house and when I was introduced to the friend, he never made eye contact with me, never greeted me, and I wondered why…until I saw a Confederate flag in his garage. He literally didn’t look in my direction for the 2 hours I was at his house. I know when I am not welcomed, and gauge every situation I am in, to figure out if I am welcome or not. Let me say this another way…outside of familial or good friend interactions/gatherings, there is not one situation where I am not checking my surroundings to see if I am welcome.

·      I always get a receipt at the grocery store, not because I like getting receipts, but because I’ve been stopped by security (who’ve seen me pay for my items) to verify that I have paid for my items upon leaving the grocery store. You only need that to happen to you once before you always get a receipt. Yes, I always get a receipt (and make sure it is visible as I exit) now even though I immediately throw it away when I get home. I do the same thing at almost every store actually. 

·      I once was invited to a 10 year old’s birthday party (a friend’s son) in an affluent area at an affluent establishment, to eat pizza and play basketball with him and his friends. I was not going to miss this party and for a 10 year old’s birthday party, it was a fun! I enjoyed dunking on his friends more than I should’ve. After the party, Heather told me that one of the other parents asked the host family if I was an NBA player (I am laughing out loud as I write this). While this may seem like a compliment, there is an underlying message being communicated here. I am welcome and applauded if I meet the income criteria, but if not, I am not welcomed. I share this because black people are assumed to be working or lower-class people. This directly affects how some people view and treat me. Here is an article about how black people fight against discrimination. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/21/opinion/black-discrimination-study.html

How You Can Help

            I want to start off this section by thanking everyone who has reached out to me and offered some words of encouragement, asked how I was doing, and shared their feelings about the current racial climate in America. I even want to address my friends who don’t know what to say and have been wanting to reach out, but haven’t yet. Thank you for your support.

            As I’ve reflected upon ways you can make a difference to fight racism, discrimination, and prejudice…I have come up with a few ideas to start. By no means is this an all-inclusive list, but something to get you started in the right direction:

        -engage and listen to the African-American (AA) community and their experience

        -read up on AA perspective (use this resource as an opportunity to learn. Views are not necessarily my own. Thank you Alana V for the link)

        -become an advocate for AA people (speak up when needed)

            My personal opinion is that AA people and people of color (POC) need more advocates who will fight the small battles for them more than anything. Small battles are not actually small battles when you have an uphill climb to feel welcomed, included, and valued. Small battles include, but are not limited to:

                        -speaking up when people make questionable comments (ex. – stopping negative commentary about the way black people speak, dress, eat, education level, economic status, or the way “they” act)

                        -if a AA or POC excels at a work project, help them get the recognition for their work. Most AA or POC get overlooked when it comes to promotions, and have a hard time moving up in the company or being paid like their non-POC counterparts, etc. For example, the NFL created the Rooney Rule, where it requires teams to interview minority candidates for head coaching and senior football operation jobs. You don’t need a rule if minorities were being considered for those jobs.

                        -strike up a conversation with an AA or POC at a work party, church, small group gathering, but do not to fixate on race. For example, I can tell when people are trying too hard to make me feel comfortable when they talk about things they assume black people like. Ask questions and look for commonalities rather than make assumptions.

                        -recognize situations where an AA or POC may feel uncomfortable and seek to ease their mind. For example, around police, in gatherings where they are the only POC, especially gatherings where no one is talking to them.

                        -when you see moments or actions of injustice, speaking out or try to make a situation right. For example, bullying (cyber and in person), police brutality, other forms or racially charged actions (ex – like those blaming the Asian-American community for COVID-19)

            Advocacy is an important step in helping people feel seen, heard, included, and valued. One of my favorite parts of the Bible is in Galatians 2. For those who don’t know much about the Bible, Galatians was a letter written by a guy named Paul, a man who opposed the Christian faith and its followers (he even killed some of them), before God changed his life and he became a Christian.

In this letter, Paul was trying to encourage the Jewish believers in Jesus and the Gentile (non-Jewish) believers in Jesus that they can and should be unified by their faith in Jesus.

            Paul was a Jewish Christian writing to predominately Jewish Christians about the importance of the Gentile Christians to the faith. The Jewish people and the Gentile people were different ethnicities, who had a different set of values, and different ways of living. As you could have guessed…Paul faced opposition to this request. Paul faced so much opposition to this he decided to only speak to the Gentile communities about Jesus because the Jewish communities wanted nothing to do with him (Acts 13:46-47).

            Paul’s advocacy never wavered, in fact, Paul was so passionate about the Gentile inclusion into the faith that he called out Peter. Peter is seen as the head leader of the early church, its mouthpiece, and the person whose voice has the most authority. Paul claimed that Peter and his following were living hypocritically and that this hypocrisy was hindering the message of Jesus (Galatians 2:11-16).

            The tension between Paul and Peter was so heated that all of the early church leaders gathered together at a council meeting to discuss and dispute the inclusion of the Gentiles into the Christian faith (Acts 15). They decided, and rightly so that the Gentiles could be a part of the body of Christ without hindrances (an example of a hindrance was requiring a man to be circumcised in order to become a believer), that Peter and his group were demanding.

            I am thankful that Paul was willing to call out his own people to include people who were not like him. Paul publicly said that Peter “stood condemned” for his beliefs (Galatians 2:11). Sometimes in order for people to see your worth and value, you need an advocate to speak on your behalf.

            I am thankful for those of you who have been an advocate for me, but make no mistake…there are many people who look like me who do not have advocates. These AA or POC don’t necessarily talk like me, don’t dress like me, don’t have the same income as me, who didn’t grow up in the “right” neighborhood, who don’t have both parents (or are a single parent), who have made many mistakes (or don’t have a clean record like me), who may be immigrants, refugees, non-English speaking people, disenfranchised, or homeless who need advocates.

For too long black people (and POC) have been viewed as threats in America, when in reality, this is a misunderstanding. We are like you and have more in common than you may think.

Are you willing to be an advocate? And if you are, where will you start? If you are not, how do we now move forward?